Posted: Mon Apr 7 18:22:18 2008
It’s always lovely to start the week with some fun news about China’s human rights record and how NPR goes ballistic right on cue, when for years they’ve been touting China’s miraculous status as a trading partner.
I’m referring, of course, to the “protests” surrounding the olympic torch relay that went through London and Paris. The pictures and press betray the fact that it’s only a few people… and never mind the number of countries with far worse abuses, or far more pressing issues, or far greater protests, this one gets the headlines.
The fact is the Olympics are coming, and though the athletes are certainly entertaining, the real competition is between imperial powers as they put out their prize cocks (yes, pun intended… they are sex symbols aren’t they) to duke it out. The winner comes out with more prestige and license to take over the world.
Of course, no cockfight would be complete without the imperial trash talking going on. All of a sudden, we’re concerned with very specific atrocities – Darfur and Tibet – which just happen to be areas in which China has a political interest.
But I sound too cynical. Really, the Olympics are, or can be, a joyous occasion, and so long as you can ignore the nationalism and commercialism, it’s a great opportunity for a worldwide party.
So, without further trash talking of my own, I present to you the Imperial License™ chart:
| Gold medals earned* | Imperial license |
| 0-10 | Humble negotiations with Cuba |
| 10-20 | Let Chavez and Putin have their way with us |
| 20-30 | Maintain military bases in Japan, Korea, and Germany. |
| 30-40 | Take over key Chinese outposts |
| 40-50 | Invade Iran, eliminate Geneva convention from lawbooks |
| 50+ | Invade Russia, adopt Europe as US States |